Gollum meets duh duh da! Psycho Bunny!
by Eternal Spirit
Summary: He he he, 6 chapters I didn't spend much time on this one but it's just like a bunch of grapes (squishy and yellow * wai *)
1. Jesus in the river

Gollum and Psycho Bunny  
  
Disclaimer: Despite wishing I could own him, Gollum is not mine. But psycho bunny is my demon and is all mine so you cannot have him! I need him.... * sniffs *  
  
Okay so on with the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
One bright and sunny day Gollum is sat in his cave 20 floors below sea level. No sun light filters through and he is stroking his precious, hissing softly to himself, a block of cheese in his left hand..... Jesus serving him French wine. There was a loud clatter, coming from across the lake. His ears perked up like a puppy dogs (awwwwwwwwww but puppy got drugged up and died). There was a low snarl and a splash. Something swam gracefully through the water towards Gollum's island. Jesus dived into the water and was eaten by piranhas (yay) and Gollum slipped the ring into a hidey hole. The lake was suddenly silent, the waters were still. Gollum looked around, nothing, except the screams of Jesus coming from somewhere or other. There was a roar of water and a tiny bunny (which was seriously mauled and tattered) leaped up onto the rock. It snarled at Gollum and started sniffing around the island. Gollum's eyes were a lot wider than usually (because of the surprise) as he watched the bunny sniff around the island. The bunny in question was yellow and had tattered ears, he was also riddled with holes and tears. The bunny came across Gollum's hidey hole and pulled out the ring, holding it up in triumph. Gollm screamed and the bunny turned around to face him, seeming to grow much bigger. Gollum latched his claws into bunny's ear and bunny latched himself onto Gollum's leg. This is where I intervene..... "Okay you two," this is me speaking (oh wonderful gorgeous me... ahem), "now I don't want my poor Pscho Bunny (ahhh my dearest demon of all) getting hurt, and neither do I want poor little sorta innocent Gollum getting hurt." (Jesus) "wotta about me" (me again) "oh go lick a donkey..... Okay Gollum and Psycho Bunny are gonna team up and work together to kill Legolas * the whole group arrows cheers, Emma's getting all ecstatic again.. *  
  
Okay then.....Wot do ya think? If I get just one review, just the one.. I'll carry on with my story!!!! Oh wot the hell I'll do it anyway, just to annoy the people who don't like me (as long as you don't form an internet army against me... there's so many of you... Getam Pscho Bunny..... Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!!)  
  
*_* eternal spirit *_* 


	2. Gollum meets Psycho Bunny Part 2! Legola...

Gollum meets Psycho Bunny Part 2!!!!!!!  
  
OK...... Despite me getting one review and that's not a happy one.. * sniffs * but I am completely not BOTHERED!!!!!!! Tough titties to you here's the next chapter mwa ha ha ha ha!  
  
I know all I need to know about LoTR but like to twist it in my own special way...  
  
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Gollum and Legolas (he he he Legolas would be repeatedly tortured....) for Gods sake I know I don't own them!!!!  
  
PS: Pscho Bunny is mine, all mine.  
  
Okay so Psycho Bunny and Gollum set off to the Mirkywoods in search of that evil, dog ugly, smelly elf boy, Lego-arse (he he he). We see our two heroes walking along a woodland path holding hands and singing songs of praise... hell yeah... they are savagely attacking each other and Gollum seems to be screaming something about... cheeses? OK...... Right so completely by accident they stumble across Mirkywood.  
  
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Legolas is sat on a throne in the middle of Mirkywood ordering around small defenceless Uruk-hai. He laughs gleefully as another orc collapses under the weight of a brick (for they are building a mighty palace for that evil mother.. OK.). You see Legolas had black-mailed those poor Uruk-hai by stealing their mothers and saying he'll do stuff * OK use your imagination here * to them unless they work for him. Now the Uruk-hai love their dear mothers, and would do anything to save them.  
  
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Back in Mirkywoods Gollum has ripped off Psycho Bunny's ear and is threatening to feed it to the mutant killer squirrels. Pscho Bunny once again has the ring and is threatening to swallow it. So once again I intervene and send everything back to normal, while sending them both to Legolas' palace.  
  
OK now I would rather like a nice review... or at least one that makes sense... If you're going to give this a crap review, please make it half decent/ legible. Or you will be eaten a Psycho Bunny (he is hungry cos the last time he ate was when we conquered the local government and he ate Tony Blair.. The planet of Naboloki is next! Watch out Senator Bob!!!) Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!  
  
*_* eternal spirit *_* 


	3. Gollumy stuff CANDLE STICK!

Gollum and the Psycho Bunny.. Part 3!!!!!  
  
YAY!!!! I got a good review!!!!! I'm so depressed?????? Okay today my matey Tish is helping so it's gonna be double mad!  
  
Disclaimer: As I keep saying none of the characters are mine!!!! (cept Psycho Bunny of course!)  
  
PS: Psycho Bunny ate George Bush * loud cheers *  
  
Right so Psycho Bunny and Gollum have reached Legolas' palace. Gollum wanders up to the castle door (with Psycho Bunny's teeth latched on his arse) and knocks loudly. Nothing happens. Gollum sits and cries.. With a block of cheese in his left hand.. mmmmmmmmmmmm Jesus. I mean cheese! Psycho Bunny is squashed by Gollum's mighty arse. I decide to give them a helping hand and open the door. Gollum just sits there and cries so we kick him and he flies across into the palace.  
  
********************bush diving****************************************************  
  
Legolas is sat inside the palace watching the riot from a bunker 20 floors below sea level.. Mwa ha ha rage kage we beat the bastards of city hall! Okay now Legolas switches his attention to the intruders (Psycho Bunny and Gollum) and switches off the TV for plans of puppy domination. He shows his evil pointed ears and gets an Uruk-hai to condition his hair (if anyone knows what conditioner he uses let me know so I can mock him like the mockety mock sparrow of doom and eternal torture!) He decides to send a party of cave trolls (aren't they adorable?) out to * meet * them.  
  
************************************removing impurities from grapes********************  
  
Now we meet Candle Stick, the misunderstood cave troll. His head his on fire, all the time hence the name. He is alone in the world, and is not like the other cave trolls. He is intent on the destruction on all small hairy people, but the others are really sophisticated and make fun of him (ahhhh small fry). So he sets out hoping to meet someone small and hairy, and squash them...  
  
Wot the hell? Okay Ill post it anyway! Thanks Tish (she checked my crappy spellings but she cant spell either :P) Psycho Bunny is after Lauren Whitley or whatever her name is. It sux anyway. Anybody who doesn't like this should be tied to a stick and burnt... Or shot repeatedly especially in groinal areas! Mwa ha ha ha ha Psycho Bunny  
  
*_* eternal spirit *_* 


	4. Cave Troll in a tutu

Part 4 of the Psycho Bunny and Gollum trilogy (which makes as much sense as a piece of pie..)  
  
OK, note to Rabid Locust (who seems to actually like my nonsense wai _) I don't know why I was depressed, I just.. was.... pie.  
  
Now note to Emma, you will never know that Emma Jamison has a large forehead unless you read my work! I'm sorry I hurt Keir's foot too... e- mail me K?  
  
Final note, to the voices in my head. Leave me alone you annoying pip squeaks I don't want to go with you to any special place I don't care how fun or wonderful it is. * is breathing heavily and collapses on the floor but boings back up agen *  
  
Disclaimer: (do I hav to write this every bloody time?) I don't own any of the LoTR characters cept Psycho Bunny and Candle Stick... who r mine...  
  
Right.. So on with chapter 4!  
  
Gollum wandered into the Palace slowly chewing on a frog with wings and Psycho Bunny (I'm gonna call him PB cos I honestly can't b arsed to write his name, over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, I'm not really repetitive). There was a loud thundering and yeeling coming from behind the portal at the end of the corridor (portals r more fun than doors *_*). Gollum poked his head around the portal, and could see around 20 cave trolls in pink tu-tus.. line dancing? Anyway this was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen, and it emotionally scarred him. So he pushed PB in the room and closed the portal. PB immediately fainted and had a fit at the same time. All the cave trolls could see was a yellow blur spinning on the floor. Candle Stick stood up (he had been sat in the corner on his own... a block of cheese in his left hand) and picked up the tattered bunny. PB woke up and savedgly attacked the cave trolls hand, ripping and shredding, there was blood everywhere (yay!). Gollum was outside but because of his Spider Sense he could tell everything that was going on in the room, he began an insane cackling, but the cave trolls heard him and came out.  
  
***********************************obsessed********************************* *****  
  
Gollum finally awoke. He clutched his head and started rocking back wards and forwards talking to himself, "owwwwwwww whay does cruel author make Gollumses hurt soooooo muches?" because of his insolence I booted him across the room. Gollum landed in a heap on top of PB who was hissing uproariously for some bizarre reason. Candle Stick entered the room, "I'll take you to master now."  
  
So whaddya think? Chapter 4 (wai *_*) never thought I'd write so much! I thoink (he he he) that u shud review my work or feel the wrath of Cheesey Toast of Doom and The Mocking Sparrow of Eternal Torture (aswell as psycho Bunny). OK nite nite, it's 12:38, in the afternoon! I shud get to sleep otherwise I'll never be able to do my midnight cross country running!  
  
*_* eternal spirit *_* 


	5. Welcome to the Land of Oz

This is Chapter 5: Welcome to the Land of Oz  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters..  
  
Owner: PB is mine... so is Candle Stick... and Jesus for I am God!!!!!  
  
We left our heroes being dragged off by a cave troll in a tu-tu to go and see Legolas. First they had to go through the cleansing process. Candle Stick took PB and Goolum to the baths and gave them a wash, grafted blonde hair onto their heads (a weird fad thought up by Lego-arse) and plaited it using little pink bows! Gollum sat arms folded growling and muttering to himself, PB was turning into a small blurry whirl wind and knocking over different items randomly.  
  
All of a sudden Candle Stick sat on the floor and began wailing uproariously. PB stopped spinning and sat down glaring at Candle Stick and Gollum walked over to him.  
  
"Whatsssssss up with cave trollsssssss" he hissed.  
  
"I'm so misunderstood!" bawled Candle Stick, "All I want to do is destroy but the others make me line dance and flower arrange!" * here I cringe. Can you imagine that. Shudder... *  
  
Gollum patted him on the back and PB brought him a vase to samsh (it's better than their heads!). The troll was still crying and banging on the floor making it jump and Golum fell over.. Oh dear.  
  
"Gollumses thinks we shuds work together to killsss Legolassssss." Suggested Gollum, hoping to get on the trolls good side. But he just carried on screaming. PB got a mallet from absolutely no where and hit Candle Stick with it, knocking him out. Aragorn walks into the room, he looks around and sees the crying cave troll, a tattered rabbit and Gollum. Aragorn's eyes flash in hatred and he draws his sword and charges, killing Jesus with one mighty blow (he's the son of God he could be re-born I suppose!).  
  
Aragorn spoke, "Thank God I killed him! He could of stolen the ring of power and tried to take over Middle Earth again!" He sees the cave troll again and slaps it with the back of his sword. "Get up," he commanded, "we're off to kill Legolas!"  
  
So whaddya think? I'm kinda off my permanent sugar rush so it's not as mental. This is me being normal! He he uyhe, Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh PE next crap it's bloody step damnit!  
  
*_* eternal spirit *_* 


	6. The Wizard of Snoz

The Wizard of Snoz (wot the hell am I on about. If you can tell me I want to know..)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Legolas, Aragorn, Gollum or any characters which I end up putting in except PB, Jesus (u know I'm God), Candle Stick and Tuna.  
  
Right so we start with Act 1 in Legolas' room.  
  
Legolas is standing in a wizard's outfit, with Harry Potter strapped to a chair, holding a stick and waving it at random objects. Nothing seems to be happening. Harry suggests actually buying a magical stick so Legolas hits him with it repeatedly. Boink boink boink boink * I can feel the madness returning * he he he boink boink boink boink boink. Right so Harry is knocked senseless by repeatedly being hit on the head by a stick.  
  
"Tuna!" Legolas called. A Nazgul flies through the window and lands on Harry Potter's head crushing it * just a point. Has anybody noticed half my story is in past tense then in present? *. Legolas giggled in glee. A small figure in a white nurses outfit shuffles through the door. "Legolas sir," states Gimli (the dude in the outfit), " I'm ready to do my strip dance for you... sigh" * awwwwwww poor Gimli *  
  
"Oh goody," squeals Legolas, "then I've bought a lovely kama sutra book for us to try out afterwards!" You could see the horror on Gimli's face. This is why elves and dwarves don't get along. "Oh yes," said Legolas, "Tuna, go look for Candle Stick and the prisoners, according to this book I need around 5 people, and guess what, you get to join in too!"  
  
So Tuna, the now very depressed Nazgul, goes flying out the window and looking for PB, Gollum and Candle Stick. On the floorish groundy thing 2 feet below * ? * Gollum is parading the be tu-tued cave trolls around in front of several random men and Aragorn. The men get bored and brutally massacre them * yey *. Aragorn stands up and hits his head on the Nazgul. "Wot the hell?" he says in a drunken manner, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH flying thingies!" The Nazgul lands and walks over to Candle Stick. They begin a whispered conversation. Several Ent years later * 5 minutes * Candle Stick declares that Tuna wants to help in the killing of Legolas.  
  
But all of a sudden, who should appear but Jesus, Darth Vader and Sauron!  
  
Wot's gonna happen next? Wot the hell have I been taking? Who the hell would read this? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah!  
  
*_* eternal spirit *_* 


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